Being and Doing

Our culture is all about doing, accomplishing. Not so much about just being. People who are happy being, are often viewed less intelligent, lazy, lacking initiative, or...spiritual. I've been a little bit obsessed with doing and accomplishing. I never seem to be content unless I am clear about what I am DOING. And what I DO generally needs to be somehow making the world a better place or making art (which is also making the world a better place at the heart of it). But lately I haven't been able to do anything really. Or wanted to. Not doing a lot of parenting or homechooling, or practicing the bass like I am supposed to be, or painting that picture I want to paint, or writing that historical piece I have been thinking about for a year or so. I have 10 unfinished drafts to this blog (I think I will erase them).

I have no drive to do much of anything. Barely keeping the house together. Going to the gym (okay that is something). Thinking about my far-away love and how I will get him here (I guess that is something, too). Learning how real a long distance relationship can be (I am repenting at the moment).  Getting in a little gardening...Seeing my therapist. Looking for work. Oh. Maybe I do do stuff. And all this inner work. Now that is exhausting. And that is where the line between doing and being is washed away. And examined life is a lot of work.

Sheesh, this writing is reminding me of all the stuff I got to do!