Sunday, December 27, 2015

Making It Up As We Go Along Revisted and Recommitted.


NOTE: 11/15/16 I actually didn't blog every week. I am never going to make that sort of statement about my work again.

Today I embark on this blog, for real this time.  In fact, right now I am deciding to make it my New Yea resolution, since I don’t have one yet, and Thursday is New Year’s Eve.   Here goes: In 2016 I will write a blog post at least every week. I am a writer after all. You should subscribe. It will inspire me to write more.

Originally this blog was something like “Homeschooling Single.” But then I realized my relationship status and my feelings towards schooling are merely symptoms of who I am… “homeschooling single” doesn’t really describe anything about me. Nothing really does (except maybe weird and awkward). That’s always been my problem – or my super-power depending on how you look at it.  The funny thing about labels is that as soon as we assume them, we tend to start identifying with them. I used to unschool my daughter, but that became to limiting.  But that’s me, a single parent who can’t seem to wrap her head around the culture she lives in. Really. Sometimes its funny and quaint, sometimes its painful. We all feel alienated and different, but some of us really are. Like me. My therapist even says so.   

On the other hand maybe "single" actually does describe me.

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On Wednesday, my daughter and I are head to Costa Rica, to see my daughter’s dad, and her paternal family. We have been several times, but this time is weirder.  I mean last time they were all like, “Why are you going?’  and “Why doesn’t you stay for several months, or years…” Then, because I am a poor single mom and because Costa Ricans are generally poor and don’t travel, its been two years since we have been able to connect, and no one really sounds very happy we are coming. No one is coming to meet us at the airport.  No one is like, “Hey, come over and stay with us!” Ramona’s father keeps writing to me asking me if I am sure I don’t want to be his woman in a way that tells me that if I am not I might not be as welcome as I have been in the past. That’s another weirdness factor in this visit…and sordid past between her dad and I that really belongs on a telenovela.  I am trying to change that, bound and determined to stay strong.  

And that is it. Wednesday morning, at 6am we catch our flight. My house is still a mess. I don’t know where we will be staying or where we will be going, or how we will be received, or how long it will take me to pay back for this trip... but we are going on an adventure.  In a way I am looking forward to it. Wondering if a month will be long enough. What do you think?