Giving up my Work.

It’s December 4^th and I just decided to not prioritize my novel, my work, for the entire month of December, as there is always so much tension and never enough time this time of year. The decision was troubling to me…especially since I also recently decided play hooky from my writing group in December. If I am working so hard on self-care and love then why was I so willing to sacrifice my work? Why are Ramona’s performances, her birthday party, holiday festivities more important? Isn’t this self depreciation?

No.

December is a time for me to withdraw into care for home, family, friends, but also for self. The hearth. It is the time to get the house together, to renew, to re coup. To pack up the old useless stuff and send it off.

Our work – who we are in the world and the mark we leave-, if we tap into our innermost selves, is our true voice. But nothing can always be on; eternal growth is capitalist myth. The voice needs rest. Minds need to digest. Ideas need to percolate. Our private lives need to be honored. Even machines wear out if you leave them on all the time.

In December I get my house in order. I honor home and care. I read the books that have being piling up in my “to read” stack. I purge and clean my house to ready it for our guests/friends and to make space for the new year. I focus my attention on giving and decorating for friends and holidays. I hold no expectations nor cling to outcomes. I make sure my daughter knows how important she is and I prioritize her winter performances; the costumes, rehearsals, the tickets, transportation; you know, things that the world doesn’t really think matters. Withdrawing is part of the cycles life. It moves us into the future. It is ending a cycle and preparing for the next. Its looking in and taking care. 

I used to complain about Ramona’s birthday being in December, but now I see the blessing. It has changed me. It has shown me how to submit to the cycles, and a whole, rich life. A plant can not always be in bloom, lest it wither and die.

In January it will be 2017. A new year.

R at the Beach on Thursday

"This used to be a beautiful train track by the river and now they turned it into a beach."

Went to the beach yesterday.

It was cold, so we spent a long time a little away from the ocean and walked up the mouth of the Russian River, where I then took a cat nap after getting little sleep the night before. Got some great pics though (take a closer look), and this is only one of them...can you believe that body belongs to a 4 year old? Tomorrow is her half birthday. She towers above other four year olds, though I guess it doesn't really matter. Only one of her friends is four.