Giving up my Work.

It’s December 4^th and I just decided to not prioritize my novel, my work, for the entire month of December, as there is always so much tension and never enough time this time of year. The decision was troubling to me…especially since I also recently decided play hooky from my writing group in December. If I am working so hard on self-care and love then why was I so willing to sacrifice my work? Why are Ramona’s performances, her birthday party, holiday festivities more important? Isn’t this self depreciation?

No.

December is a time for me to withdraw into care for home, family, friends, but also for self. The hearth. It is the time to get the house together, to renew, to re coup. To pack up the old useless stuff and send it off.

Our work – who we are in the world and the mark we leave-, if we tap into our innermost selves, is our true voice. But nothing can always be on; eternal growth is capitalist myth. The voice needs rest. Minds need to digest. Ideas need to percolate. Our private lives need to be honored. Even machines wear out if you leave them on all the time.

In December I get my house in order. I honor home and care. I read the books that have being piling up in my “to read” stack. I purge and clean my house to ready it for our guests/friends and to make space for the new year. I focus my attention on giving and decorating for friends and holidays. I hold no expectations nor cling to outcomes. I make sure my daughter knows how important she is and I prioritize her winter performances; the costumes, rehearsals, the tickets, transportation; you know, things that the world doesn’t really think matters. Withdrawing is part of the cycles life. It moves us into the future. It is ending a cycle and preparing for the next. Its looking in and taking care. 

I used to complain about Ramona’s birthday being in December, but now I see the blessing. It has changed me. It has shown me how to submit to the cycles, and a whole, rich life. A plant can not always be in bloom, lest it wither and die.

In January it will be 2017. A new year.

Your house will look like its lived in

If a home is bustling with life, education, creativity and children... it probably won't be a very clean house.  It won't sit empty and alone all day, waiting for the family hubbub that comes at 3pm, or at 5:30 or 6 or 7.  It won't be like some homes, meticulous arrangements, as if a display case, showcasing it's inhabitants.  We have our art tables, hula hoops, a trampoline, and carpentry projects in the living room.  We've got a comfy chair in the dining room, so we can relax, cook, and chat all at the same time.  Sometimes R's room gets cleaned spic and span, but after focusing all that cleaning energy on one room, the rest of the house shows the neglect.

It's us too.  I need to work with R, but of course she is six and I am one (person that is). I was also never taught to clean as a child. I was taught to keep my mess in my room.  Our mess is always from 100 different places.  The legos go for a space ride and end up under the table of veggie starts, someone needs a crayon to write a note, and they leave it on the dining room table next the the hair tie I just pulled from my hair.  And R doesn't like clothes, so often strips in the middle of whatever activity and the clothes get forgotten...

If you spend half you time at schools and offices you have a maid or a janitor to clean up after you.  You also have your learning and work materials in another place.  The bulk of creation happens somewhere else.  Homeschooling, work-from home, artistic people have the cards stacked against them.

A creative mess is better than tidy idleness, as the meme says...below is R explaining about her messy room.  Not sure it qualifies as a "creative mess" or just the messy sort of mess.

In other news, I changed my mind about the Montessori school for the moment.  R made it clear to me that she doesn't want to go.  I tend to question her a lot.  I am always trying to make sure that I am not influencing her decision too much. I don't want her to think school sucks just cause I think it does.  I hope she learns to trust her inner compass.  She wants to talk when she feels like it.  Morning is her mellow time, not thinking time...  But I still wonder if she would be happier with  Public Montessori education.  I hear it's inspiring.